The Downward Spiral Part 2

Ok, now I am 60. Remember when I said I thought maybe I'd just "crystallize" at 60 and remain static, appearance wise? Well, I will be 61 in 11 days. Not sure I'm crystallized.
I tried the going gray thing. Seems its almost a fashionable trend now. Let the grays grow with abandon, embrace them! So feminist, so liberating! After loads of research, I decided the best way would be to color my hair lighter and lighter and then just blend in the gray until VOILA!, a silver mane! I tried it for six months, maybe longer, sure seemed longer. I felt deja vu, going to back to the years in adulthood (and there were many) when I colored my hair blonde in some form or another. My makeup never looked right. It seemed either massively dramatic or so pale as to make me look like a lab rat. My light skin coloring one would think perfect for blonde (and gray) hair. Not so. It made me look "old" not daring or liberated at all. Just old. I observed a friend going "natural". She looked much older. I gave up, went to Target and came holding cradling my box of "Medium Ash Brown". So I am at odds with myself. I want to embrace old age yet don't want to look old. I guess I could go to botox and dermal fillers, have liposuction, "cool sculpting", all those last chance measures we put ourselves through before admitting defeat. Time marches on. I don't enjoy the thought of needles in my face. I've seen too many Botched episodes where the plastic surgeons heatedly debate amongst themselves how to correct the horribly disfigured client who's previous cosmetic surgeries went terribly wrong. Nor do I want to be one of the senior citizens who's hair precedes her into the room by several minutes. A face full of wrinkles and stark black hair. The dazzling iridescent platinum blonde of the Lake Minnetonka matron desperately clinging to youth.
I like myself with dark hair. I think it highlights my light eyes and light complexion. My significant other likes it, too. I spend my time working more on my inner self and less on the outer the older I get. I doubt if anyone thinks my hair color is natural (and even less care) and I guess it shows that I'm not as confident and accepting as I ideally, would like to be. Things of real value aren't found in boxes at Target or even in the gym, flaunting a leotard covering scars and sagging flesh. They are only found inside one's heart. Work on the inner self as its the only thing of value. And if my hair is unnaturally brunette while sitting on my meditation mat, well, thats okay.