Dealing with the depressed and radical acceptance.

I worked in mental health for 12 years.  Made the acquaintance of many people with depression and indeed, all types of mental disorders.  Its cliche, but we all have some sort of mental disorder, I'm speaking of those with whom its an issue. Today we are going to talk about "helping" someone with situational depression.  I'll try to keep this short. If you know someone with depression (and its going to happen to all of us, WE all will be depressed at some point), reach out and offer to listen or ask them if there is anything specific they would like us to do. Usually they will say no. Tell them the offer to listen always stands. The truth is the really horrible shit that happens, life threatening or fatal illness, loss of loved one or relationship, loss of a job, abilities..thats the stuff you have to walk through alone. No one can really help you in the way you want help because what you want is for a different, impossible scenario to occur (the loved one to come back to life, to be perfectly healthy without the diagnosed level 4 cancer, etc.) Really depressed people don't want to talk, they don't want to deal with anyone or anything. Your efforts to reach out will be rebuked. Depressed people no longer care. They don't give a shit about you, they are too stuck in their own shit. This dark night of the soul is when relationships of long standing are sometimes destroyed because the depressed person cannot be satisfied. Anything you may offer is not wanted. You will be accused of "not getting it", usually in a sarcastic, furious and frustrated manner. And you know? You DON'T get it. Unless you have been through exactly the same scenario as the depressed person, you have no idea what it feels like it. Scrutinizing honesty becomes all important to the depressed person and you will fall short,  your words ring hollow at every turn. You may hear things regarding yourself you know are not true due to the depressed person no longer having any filters and seeing everything "through a glass, darkly".  I have heard so many people cry and wring their hands because they "can't help" the depressed person. A depressed person is like a drug addict or alcoholic (almost all of whom are depressed, by the way). They don't want help. Or maybe they do, but refuse to believe its possible. Patience, patience, is what "counselors" advise those involved with the depressed person. But sooner than later, the patience turns into abusiveness by the depressed person, if they are, indeed, even having anything to do with you at this point. Continued offers of help will be met with "just fucking leave me alone".  Its up to you at this point. I guess some of us are in positions to physically haul these depressed people off to mental hospitals (if you can even find one that has an open bed), but most of the time the best we can do is what they want. Just fucking leave them alone. We can never really know what someone else is going through, how bad things may have become for them. I radically believe we have no right to tell them to keep plugging along if they really are hopeless. Hospital stays, medication, are of little use to those who truly are hopeless. Most really depressed people have tried it all. Tincture of time, we tell them. Just hang on. This too, shall pass. But will it? Everyone's mental constitution is different. Some do not have the ability to suffer endlessly and should they be forced to?  If someone has tried to seek help for their situational depression, or chosen not to, who are we to add to their misery by chirping platitudes at them? Maybe they've had enough and the Great Unknown is more alluring at this point to the daily misery they face each morning with sunrise. Its not up to us to play God. When your best efforts are met with refusal, silence or anger, do something radical. Leave them the fuck alone.