A first timer's thoughts on Europe

The context is that I went to Europe on a guided tour, "European Highlights". The itinerary was a rigorous 4 countries in 8 days. We landed in London, stayed just one night, got there late enough in the evening for no time but a walk out to the street to find some Indian food and smoke sheesha. Smoking sheesha is a popular pastime in the MidEastern neighborhood we found ourselves in. We hadn't set out to smoke hookahs, but they seemed very popular and in order to enjoy the day and sit outside while dining, smoking sheesha was a requirement. The waitress suggested we try the melon and watermelon flavors ("best for beginners"). There is no euphoria related to inhaling the pleasant vapors, doesn't seem to cause coughing or lung irritation and all in all is just a mild, social enjoyment.  I guess since India was under Britain's rule so long, it is no big surprise London has such a thriving Indian population. The little bit of London we discovered was like any big American city, maybe a bit worn out looking, industrial in our area, nothing too different. Sort of like Boston
The next morning we were off to Paris. The driving in Paris is terrifying. The drivers are aggressive and seem absolutely fearless. We were warned constantly by our tour guide to stay out of the roundabouts unless we wanted to die and to cross busy roads with locals, preferably elderly locals who presumably have learned to navigate safely. The view from the Eiffel Tower shows a vast, gigantic city, spread out in all directions. When the Tower is lit at night, its spectacularly beautiful. We chose to walk back down the steps of the Tower rather than take the elevator. Big mistake. My legs felt like jelly by the time I reached the bottom, I read somewhere on the internet thats it is 674 steps, about 500 more than I should have done. This unfortunate choice crippled me for the next three days, making stairs painful, awkward. I was upset to discover on the same day, we were due to tour the Louvre, of course the first thing I see upon entering the Louvre are stairs, lots of them. Only the very elderly or disabled take the elevators and there is a very long waiting line for them. On the day we went, a Sunday in October, it was packed. Paris is, of course, probably the number one tourist destination in the world and there were crowds, blocks long lines at every attraction. One of the benefits of going with a group is that our tickets for the Tower, the Louvre, etc. were prepaid, bought months in advance and we were able to access everything pretty much right away.
Paris in my opinion is overrated. It has many beautiful tree lined streets, with lovely old architecture similar to wealthy areas in Washington D.C.  Other than that and its enormous troves of art, there was nothing of great note. Every place has its history and monuments and if you are a buff of such things, this is a wonderful place.
I was disappointed to find out french croissants are not as good as the ones available in Minnesota. Ours are flakier, a bit crispier. Their macarons are luscious, the same as ours here. Because I was on a tour, we were "treated" to a "authentic French meal" with some meat with sauce, french bread (also the same as you can get almost anywhere in the States), all in all a very mediocre meal.
The French shower, at least in my hotel, was a thing of fearsome awe. The sides were about 30 inches tall and it had but a half pane of glass, leading to very careful maneuvering or you quickly have water all over the floor. The toilets of Europe are much deeper than the standard bowls of the States, yawning maws with which a simple push of a hand, churn out huge gurgling amounts of water which do a better job of tidying up the toilet than the American jobs do.
Lucerne was lovely, so clean one could have a picnic literally on the streets. The architecture lovely, so old and beautiful, it was what I had imagined in my head Europe would look like. The people are orderly, there are not the crowds there (except for the Japanese and Chinese tourists, who swarm all over Europe spending huge quantities of money) due to the expense of Switzerland and it was safe. We wandered around on darkened streets later in the evening and I've never felt safer. The Swiss and French countryside are lush and green, much of it looks like Wisconsin. I've lived around mountains before so perhaps it wasn't quite as awe inspiring to me as it would be for some from the flatlands.
Italy a wonderful place, beautiful in the old world way I had yearned for. Once again, we were treated to an authentic Italian meal which was bread (actually good bread), lasagna, mushroom risotto, salad (all of Europe uses mix it yourself oil and vinegar with salt and pepper for dressing) and some sort of lemon whipped cream and dry cake type dessert. Venice was one of my favorite spots. I enjoyed the water taxis, opted out of the gondola ride, enjoyed looking at the world class blown glass and the sculptures. Once again, of great interest to art lovers and historians. The shopping is excellent although expensive. Venice is alive with spirits in the same way Santa Fe is. I would have liked to have spent a night being able to roam St. Mark's square after dark....
Now what people do not tell you- 4 star hotels in Europe are anywhere from okay to crap. The last one we stayed in, in Rome, had peeling wallpaper and mold in the bathroom. A very spotted carpet. People in hotels generally do not have queen sized beds as we do here. The beds are singles, sometimes pushed together. In some countries, the lighting in the hotel rooms is only activated by placing your room card in a slot on the wall. In Lucerne, they were on timers, fortunately reactivated by motion. Europe is very green in the sense its rare to find plastic glasses in bathrooms, they are almost all glass, which strikes me as more sanitary, but also more dangerous for the groggy tourist fumbling around in the dark trying to find the damn toilet. I had read in a travel book to bring a supply of cheap disposable wash cloths, which I did. Excellent idea as few of the hotels had them and the ones that did had clothes the texture of cardboard. There is no hair conditioner to be had. While all hotels supply a shower gel and shampoo, conditioner is conspicuously absent, perhaps the Europeans do not use it.  Every hotel we were in had a mini bar in the room with various booze, soft drinks and snacks. Pringles are extremely popular in Europe. Europeans do not drink much pop, a can of Coke or Coke Zero (or even, charmingly "Coke Light") will cost $5.50 or $3.00 in a grocery store. Europeans like their food heavily salted and are extraordinarily fond of cheese. Cheese is served at every meal, in some form, even breakfast. Bread at hotels, even restaurants is often stale.Why are French women so slim? and the men too? Easy. They walk everywhere, most don't own cars. The Europeans in general are slim, a healthy sort of slim, not the anorexia we are accustomed to seeing in the States. To see an obese person is rare in any of the cities I visited. The obese people I saw were obviously tourists. We in the U.S. are truly a fat nation. Europeans eat lots of fat free "french bread". They eat croissants on a daily basis (not all, of course, but many). Oddly enough, butter is only used on croissants and breakfast breads, when bread is eaten at other times of the day, its without anything on it, used only to mop up sauces. I didn't see people walking around drinking pop or even water. They sit down for most meals, coffee is drank daily, probably many cups of espresso which is smooth and delicious, not at all like the acrid Starbucks sort of stuff that a generation has grown up on here. The big, flavored lattes are not drank in Europe unless you go to one of the shops that offers a few versions of mocha latte or the occasional Starbucks which must have its own cult following in Europe. They laugh at those who foolishly order a cappuccino and are expecting some 16 oz cup of flavored hot milk.
Do not try (unless you are on a tour of course) to go to a restaurant before 8 pm, they do not want to see you except between 8 and 10 p.m.  There are cafes and bistros open during the day but most evenings, the real restaurants don't even open til 7 and I think thats mostly for show as some were listed in tour guides as being open then but were still dark and shuttered when we walked past. We made the mistake of wandering down to our hotel's bar area around 5 one afternoon in Rome to be told brusquely by the surly bar manager that "in Italy we eat between 12 and 2:30 and 7 and 10:30!" We apologized profusely and he softened up a bit, perhaps he'd forgotten the hotel offered an all day room service menu. I think he was most offended at having to give us silverware, a basket of packaged mayonnaise and ketchups and put the sandwiches down in front of us. He was the only one in the bar and not in the mood to play waiter. Had there not been all day room service, I could have easily accepted his terms, but the bar was empty, the kitchen was open.....It probably helped we also ordered a $28 dollar of champagne to go along with our meal. In my extremely limited experience, the Romans were the least hospitable and gracious. I could not help but think of my brother, a successful hotel manager who's motto was the "customer is King".
The guided tour did indeed get us to all the European highlights as promised. We had no hassles making reservations, buying tickets, driving. The downside, we spent hours on the bus, more hours traveling the countries than actually visiting the attractions. Upside, I saw more of the European countryside than many ever will. Enough to know that northern Italy is ugly, looks like South Dakota, some parts of Switzerland truly do recall scenes in the movie "Heidi", though I saw no goats. French countryside is green, even in mid October and fertile looking. The lakes in Switzerland are deep and vast, reminding me of Crater Lake in Oregon. In fact, much of the mountainous Europe countryside is reminiscent of the mountains in Oregon, though mostly at lower elevation. Rome is built in a vast and thick forest. What do those do who vacation frequently in Europe? I have tried to get some information out of them and I interpret their vague answers as mostly camping in a different country. They get a room somewhere, sometimes a whole house through Airbnb or some such, and then mostly just hang out in it, sometimes wandering into town for a little shopping or a meal.  I saw nothing so different in the places I was in that that sort of "relaxing vacation' would tempt me. We have too much like it here in the states. To be immersed in the culture, such as spending two weeks in the heart of Paris, with close contact with the natives might be interesting, but people are people. Perspectives are always curious to me and I think I would enjoy getting the feel of the population. My least favorite areas on my brief journey - Paris and London, too much like the U.S.  Lucerne is just so clean and old world charming that it would be a place I might consider returning to. Venice with its canals and ancient buildings, its aura of mystery, is a certain lure. Rome with its sad, savage yet proud history and handsome people is a land not easily forgotten. There are tourists all over Europe and must be one of it's main sources of income. When you go anywhere in Europe, expect swarming hordes of them,primarily Asian.The Japanese and Chinese tourists are impeccably dressed in haute couture and seem to have an endless supply of wealth. At one border stop, a tourist bus behind us full of Japanese people stopped, only to disgorge dozens of tourists in Armani suits dutifully carrying armfuls of Prada bags into the station to be documented and given tax forms. I bought hardly anything in Europe. We have become so global I saw nothing I cannot buy online or that is already not available in the U.S.
I am grateful I got to see the historic and artistic highlights of Europe.I saw more European countryside than many tourists who simply fly into their destinations ever will. It was an exhausting although rewarding venture. Will I hurry back? I doubt it. The U.S. has a broad variety of climates and scenery. We have it all in one country. Ocean shores, mountains, swamps, deserts and farmland. We have more of everything, more space, more convenience.  More hot water. Things are cheaper. There's nothing wrong with admitting it and preferring it, who wouldn't? Why do you think we have an immigration problem? Maybe the most important thing for the American traveler is to see how really good we have it right here at home. Its true, there's no place like home.